Socks1956's Blog

Merry Christmas?

socks1956 — Wed, 22 Dec 2010 16:35:26 +0000

It’s two more days to Christmas. My husband is spending it in Arizona with his children and grandchildren and I am here in Boston with my children (well two of them anyway) and grandchildren. The is the first Christmas we have spent apart since we have been married ten years ago. So far…not liking it.

Mostly I’m worrying about him and his health. Is he ok, taking his meds on time. Is he having any seizures? Will his daughters stop fighting long enough for him to have a good time? Mostly I wish he was here instead of there.

Enough of the grousing and complaining. Merry Christmas to all! May your next year be filled with peace, joy and love.

A Little Update

socks1956 — Thu, 16 Sep 2010 15:25:57 +0000

Well, the doc says he is cancer free. This is good news. Time will tell if he stays that way. Now if he could only kick that “depression” demon that seems to ride him on a regular basis. I don’t know if that will ever happen. I know that we should be rejoicing and happy right now, but life seems very bittersweet at the moment.

Later.

Ok God, let’s recap, shall we?

socks1956 — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 16:31:36 +0000

Just in case your attention has been elsewhere. It’s not like there isn’t anything else going on in the world that might be more important, the war, the oil spill, climate change, the list goes on and on. But closer to home here, let’s just do a little recap of the events in my life.

Age 4 – parents divorce

Age 9 – Mom remarries, has a baby and divorces (new husband is a drunk).

Age 14 – Mom marries again, new dad can’t stand me.

Age 15 – Brother and step-brother high on drugs attack me with kitchen knife.

Age 16 – Brother in hospital beaten to within an inch of his life by a drug dealer when he couldn’t pay his tab. (and people wonder why I am so anti-drugs).

Age 19 – Mom and Brother die in car accident caused by 17 year old who was drunk and high. He got a six month suspended license.

Age 29 – Dad passes away, he was 50 years old. I was 7 month pregnant with my youngest child.

Age 36 – Divorced.

Age 43 – Married again, kids hate the new husband, husbands kids hate me.

Age 53 – Diagnosed with a brain aneurysm. Watch and wait. Feel like a ticking time bomb. Then find out my youngest daughter also has a brain aneurysm. Told to have all my children and sibs tested.

Age 53 – Oldest daughter tears muscle in her back, may need surgery. Oh, did I tell you that my oldest and youngest daughters both live with me along with their kids, who are 4 and 5?

Age 53 – Husband diagnosed with prostate cancer.

When is it enough God? At what point is it ENOUGH!

WTF?

socks1956 — Sat, 24 Jul 2010 16:12:24 +0000

What in the hell is happening in my life? Here I was minding my own business, slogging through life, hoping for the best. Then bam, this, this, thing!

Prostate Cancer, my husband has prostate cancer. I realize that among the many cancers there are that this is not the worst one there is, but hell, it is cancer. All I can say is when I get to meet my maker I will have many choice words for Him. That old saying that “God does not give you more than you can bear” is just plain bullshit! I want to know where the 15 people are who are walking around without a care in the world because I’ve had to bear all of theirs in my life!

Ok, I’m done with my little pity party, now onward…so I guess God doesn’t give you more that you can bear, does He?

If Fishing was easy, wouldn’t they call it Catching?

socks1956 — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 20:51:59 +0000

On a recent vacation to Bar Harbor, my husband and I went on a deep sea fishing trip. During this “fishing trip” no fish were caught, in fact, we had nary a nibble. There was much grumbling aboard the boat by the many men who were there. At one point I turned to my husband and said, “If fishing was easy, they would call it catching.”

Life has been, let’s just say, very difficult for me lately. A great many personal issues with family are being struggled with on a daily basis. Just when I think things will calm down for a minute another tempest comes over the horizon. Daily I seem to be reminded that if fishing was easy they would call it catching.

Discovery

socks1956 — Tue, 11 May 2010 20:51:25 +0000

Do you ever have a day when you wonder whether or not you matter? If you have a purpose here? Are you just taking up space or is there some cosmic reason for your presence? I do. I wonder it all the time. You see, I believe in the “big something.” Not sure if I want to call it God, but for lack of a better word, let’s say God. So I do believe that we each have a purpose, a reason for being. It is up to us to discover what that is.

That is the joy of life, discovery.

Thoughts…

socks1956 — Mon, 10 May 2010 14:44:45 +0000

I am usually a very quiet, passive person. I keep to myself my political and religious viewpoints unless asked. When asked I will share my views…up to a point. I hate, with a purple passion, any kind of confrontation so I don’t like to fight. Argue politely, agree to disagree, now that is another matter. I love that. I love when people can discuss opposing viewpoints without descending into the pit. Lately that seems out of the realm of possibility doesn’t it?

I watch the news and all I see are people fighting with each other about who is “right” and who is “wrong”. It just makes me sick at my stomach. As Sheldon would say, “nauseated.” Life is not black and white or right and wrong. Life is many, many shades of gray, ebb and flow, back and forth, give and take. You win and you lose, you give and you get…it never, ever stands still. If it does, I pity your life.

Be happy in your life, whatever it is. Count what you have, not what you don’t have. Be at peace in your soul. Imagine what the world would be like if everyone could be at peace in their soul at the same time? What utter joy that would be…

The Year of the Aneurysm

socks1956 — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 19:58:02 +0000

Well this is turning out to be quite an enlightening year. It actually started in late ’09 when I was diagnosed with a brain aneurysm. This was discovered quite by accident during an MRI/MRA to rule out possible causes for a ringing in my ears that I have been experiencing as well as sinus headaches/migraines. Turns out that after having a CTA the neurologist determined that I have an aneurysm on the left PCA in my brain. It is only about 2mm in size and my neurologist has determined to “watch and wait” for now.

That should have been the end of the story, but wait, it’s not. Just a few weeks ago, my youngest daughter went in for a routine physical. She complained of some headaches and informed her physician of my diagnosis and her doctor decided to do a routine MRI/MRA. She was immediately referred to a neurologist as she has a 3mm aneurysm that is somewhere very near to her optic nerve. She is going in for her CTA today. She is 23 years old.

We are told that these tend to run in families and that if indeed she is confirmed to have an aneurysm with this CTA that my other children and all my brothers and sisters should be screened as well. I have told both my sisters about this and remembered that when my mom died in ’76 in a car accident, her cause of death was actually listed as “cerebral hemorrhage.” Makes me wonder…

I kind of feel like a ticking time bomb.

A New Year

socks1956 — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 16:40:39 +0000

Well, it’s 2010. Can you believe it? Here we are in the second decade of the 21st century. Time sure does fly. Let us hope with fervent heart that this decade brings a lot more happiness and peace that the last.

I would like to see my children graduate from college in this decade. I would like to travel outside of this continent in this decade. I would like to learn to spin in this decade. I would like to purchase my first home in this deacade. Too many goals? We’ll see.

Welcome to 2010 everyone!

Five on Friday

socks1956 — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 13:16:15 +0000

So what is Five on Friday? Well, I guess it’s anything I want it to be since it’s my blog. So this week it is…drum roll please…

Five People I Admire (living or dead) and in no particular order

1. James Tabor – He is a professor at UNC – Charlotte in Religious Studies and an author. I admire him a great deal for his inquiring and questioning mind. His books make me think in unconventional ways. He has a great blog as well. http://jamestabor.com/

2. Dr. Joseph N. French, Jr – My uncle who passed recently, for his gift of teaching and instilling in others his love of theatre.

3. Stephanie Pearl-McPhee – Knitting Humorist. I love to read her blog. Her writing is witty, clever and very entertaining. You can visit her at www.yarnharlot.ca

4. The Cathars – I know this is not a single person but still…I admire their faith. Read up, ask questions, it will do you good.

5. Thorvald Martin Tandberg – My great-grandfather. Well really all the immigrants who came to this country to make a better life for themselves and their families.

Have a great weekend!